Embracing Change
The other day I saw a video of a woman who suffers from CRPS explaining her journey and her feelings towards everything she has experienced. She, like many people who suffer from CRPS, grieve the past life they once had and, in their minds, can no longer get back. It is a painful process. CRPS flips your life upside down, and I think the change is so drastic your life can seem unrecognizable.
Personally, I don’t think I grieved the life I had before because I was only ten. I hardly remember what life was like before, but I have found myself thinking about the life I could have lived without CRPS at times. Instead of being a 10-year-old who suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts, I could have been careless, running around the playground with my friends. Even now, I could have been a 20-year-old who doesn’t struggle with something that seems so simple like standing or walking.
I am actually going through this grieving process of a past life right now. I used to be living my dream on a daily basis. I was dancing as a Kilgore College Rangerette, leading my team in practice and performances, and I got to create awareness for CRPS while doing it. I was comfortable and happy living this lifestyle, and then I graduated…and my life completed changed. I am living somewhere else, I am a full-time student, I am not a part of, or leading a team, I am only dancing for fun, and I am making all new friends. Don’t get me wrong, I am growing into this new life and having fun doing it, but I sure do miss my old life a lot at times. Going through this really got me thinking about change. People are always grieving a past life, a part of their life, or even an era in their life because life is constantly changing. God is constantly throwing obstacles in our way and changes in our life. Once I understood this, I realized nothing will ever be the same even though we want it to be. We can all admit change is scary. I think that’s why getting diagnosed with CRPS is scary because it causes so much change in your life. You now have to live with this pain for the rest of your life. It may debilitate you. You may suffer from mental health issues. Your relationships will be heavily affected. Most importantly, your lifestyle will be completely different. That’s a lot of change, and let’s be honest, no one likes to change all that much whether the change you’re going through is living with CRPS or it is going to a new school, starting a new job, maybe your parents are getting a divorce, or you lose a family member.
So, how do we deal with this change? And how should we grieve the past life that we were living?
I am no life coach or psychologist, but I think grieving is the first step in moving forward and embracing the future. Look back on that part of your life, be grateful for what you had, and notice what you are going to miss. Come to accept that life is not going to always be the same. Identify the things that made you happy and fulfilled in that part of your life and find out ways to bring them into this new part of your life even though they may not look the exact same. It can be something small… I love dancing and it is something that makes me happy. I obviously can’t dance with my team anymore, but I can take dance classes for fun. There is this influencer who has been a dancer all her life. She suffers from Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and since she can’t stand for long periods of time, she uses a wheelchair. She was able to bring dance into her newly changed life by taking dance classes and adapting the choreography to work with her chair. Knowing and bringing the things that make you happy with you in any shape or form, no matter the change, keeps you grounded and in touch with yourself. Then, embrace the change the best you can. I do this by making goals for myself. Goals that will push me to do things and accomplish things outside of my comfort zone. However, it’s not going to be easy, when is it ever? There are days when I cry, get angry or fed up, and want to give up on embracing the change in my life, but I continue to push because eventually I am going to find my purpose in this new environment and part of my life. It’s just going to take time, like every good thing in life does.
Have faith in God and yourself in these times of change. No matter how hard it gets. Everything happens for a reason, and you will find your purpose. Just look forward towards the future and embrace the changes in your life.
