A Mother’s Reflection
Trying to get in the right frame of mind to write this message has been very difficult. It brings up very raw emotions of a very stressful and debilitating time. As mothers, our children look to us to "fix" things or "make it better." But ten years ago, I couldn't. Everything I read about CRPS was so deflating and depressing. Before Miller was diagnosed with CRPS, I remember telling a friend, "I can't remember the last time I cried." I cried a pool full of tears during the year Miller was searching for a diagnosis and once treatment began.
Since the time of the injury that brought on CRPS, Miller and I had a rough ten years. It wasn't until we could start to share our feelings that we finally had an understanding and empathy towards the other's experience.
If I could say one thing to mothers dealing with children with CRPS, I would say to share your feelings the best you can, try to understand each other, and be compassionate.
As I look back over the last ten years of Miller's journey, my mind and heart are flooded with emotions. Feelings of relief, thanksgiving, joy, and hope fill my soul when I think about where we were, and where we are today. Ten years ago, I did not see Miller’s future "today" as it is now. In the darkest days, I wondered if she would be alive in 10 years, and at best, I saw what I thought would be a life wheelchair-bound with very little time enjoying others and activities. I definitely did not see a life of dance and college. But today, I am relieved that Miller is fully functioning, is an amazing dancer, attends college and has a passion for things in her life. I am thankful for the doctors at The Cleveland Clinic for teaching her how to cope with the pain and not let it rule her life, and for the doctors at Children’s for a regime that seems to work to keep the pain at bay or at least quell a flare-up. I am thankful for all the family and friends who have supported and prayed for her. I am thankful that she found a purpose through her pain and has devoted so much of her time and energy to helping others with CRPS. I feel joy as I think about her career as a dancer and getting to watch her shine every time she stepped on the floor or field. And I feel hope for a bright future, that she can truly do anything she sets her mind to.
I would be lying if I didn't say I have moments of fear or worry because I do. We don't know how this disease will affect her as she gets older. But, I hold on to my favorite Bible verse, which I've written to all my children at various times throughout their lives:
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know well the plans I have in mind for you says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe, plans to give you a future full of hope.
